The Enduring Love of Friendship

Death does not end a friendship, it just changes it.
~ Angela Marie Fava

Last year I told you about my best friend passing and how much she meant to me in my life. I told you I'd keep you posted about my journey in grieving this loss in my life, but as you can see, I haven't talked about it since; I've been avoiding it. 

In the last few months I've realized more and more what my friend and our friendship meant to me and how different my life has been without her. I've also been reminded once again how grieving is such a process; one that isn't the same with each passing of a loved one and one that gives me a new lesson each time someone in my life passes on (unfortunately, too many people I love have died in the last few years). The last few months I've been sad, really sad. I've been incredibly cognizant of what a blessing my friend was/is/will always be in my life, and I miss her. I've worked on balancing my Spiritual beliefs that she's on another journey right now, with my very human condition of missing her and needing to talk to her. My life has been an adjustment in navigating the world without the ability to call her daily and process life with her. I loved hearing what was going on with her and having her input into my life; she had such a great ability to combine clarity of head with heartfelt empathy, I really admired that. I just missed her, and I talked to her about it. Oh, we haven't had long conversations mind you, just short ones in which I found myself letting her know I understood she was elsewhere right now, but I really missed her presence. I found myself telling her about things that were going on in my life and listening for how she would respond when I needed advice. I realized that somehow I felt like I was cheating on her if I had other good friends in my life, and let her know that. That seemed to change everything. 

Slowly but surely a space began to open within me. I began to see that I needed friends again. I saw that I had been avoiding a very important part of my life; love and vulnerability that goes with deep friendship. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been living without friends at all, but I saw that I was avoiding vulnerability; losing friends is painful, but life is so much emptier without that special bond of sharing I experience with good friends. This time I've taken to be alone has given me the space to see my strengths and what is truly important to me, I needed that time, and I also knew I needed to allow my friends back into my life in a bigger way once again. I released the fear and asked for help from my friend.

What has happened since then has been incredible. The space has grown and friends I haven't seen in years have been reappearing in my life. It's been truly amazing. I can feel the hand of my best friend in this; it's as though she is giving her blessing and showing me love in a new and profound way. These friends have been expressing how much our friendship has meant to them and how they missed it. They've not only told me they want to be back in touch, but have been following through on that. It's all been exactly the healing I asked for and have needed in my life. I feel so blessed.

The last time I talked about my friend I told you that while she may have passed away, the friendship has not left, just changed. I'm reminded of how true that remains, and what love really is. Love endures my friends. It never goes away, and it always has something to teach. 

I'm grateful.

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